When Your International Church is Too "American"

Becoming fluent in truth is helping me talk more like a local every day.   Izzy Ashton | an expat in Asia     It’s said that when you learn a new language, you gain a new soul. With that in mind, it makes sense that it’s not easy. To tell the truth, learning another language is just plain hard. It’s developing a fresh way to see, understand, and communicate with the world around us.  As I attempt to master an unfamiliar tongue, God grinds me into mortar, revealing things about myself and showing me ways I need to trust him more completely. In moments of confusion, frustration, and isolation, negative phrases tend to echo in my heart. Listening to these lies and believing them discourages me, making my journey even harder. But I’m learning to recognize deceptions when they come, so I can counter them with truth instead. I like to think of it as becoming fluent in truth. If you’re learning a new language, these lies may be uncomfortably familiar to you. But take heart. Truth really can set you free, just as it did for me.   “I Can’t Do This” Once a month, a woman cleans our house. The first time she came, she had so many questions for me: Where do I keep the cloths? Which is the best bucket to use? What kinds of cleaners do I have? I understood none of these questions! It took hand gestures, a translation app, and her husband showing me photos of the brands she was asking about for me to get what she meant. When she left, I felt so discouraged. I couldn’t easily communicate these most basic things! Just two months later, however, the woman went straight to the cleaning supplies when she came and we were able to have a basic conversation about our families. At the end of the day, she smiled and remarked how much better my language skills are already. I can’t do this. My mind has repeated this lie until I believed it. I have said this out loud, closed my textbook, and walked away. Learning a new language often feels like struggling on a long, impossible road filled with big challenges and only small encouragements.   I’m learning to recognize deceptions when they come, so I can counter them with truth instead.                                              But I can’t focus on how far I have to go, fearing complex grammar structures and literary-level language. Instead, I remind myself of little ways I have already grown in language ability. I now know how to say “thank you” and “good evening,” I learned that sometimes, in navigating the local market, all I need to know is how to ask the price! I’m celebrating those accomplishments. I choose to replace the thoughts of I can’t do this with I can do this and remember that in many cases, I already am doing this.   “I Will Never Get This” When this lie takes hold, I imagine myself living here for an extended period, unable to communicate. I play out the scenario of isolation and disconnectedness, picturing my embarrassment as people realize how many years I have lived here without being able to learn the language. But that is not the truth. Nor is it the reality I’m living. I have been in this country for less than a year, and I am absorbing this language little by little. I know more than I did a month ago, and I know less than I will know a month from now. I will never get this has been changed to I will get this, but it will take time. Recently, I found this chart of language difficulty for English learners. According to it, the language I’m learning takes longer to master than most. Knowing this helps me grant myself grace, appreciating the time it takes.   “I Don’t Have Enough Time for This” In the midst of starting a business, learning a new culture, writing, taking care of our home, and caring for our first baby, I can’t devote 100 percent of my time and energy to language study. Virtually no one can! And yet I often feel guilty about this, feeding myself “if only” statements in an attempt to blame my circumstances. But here’s the truth: I do have some time. I benefit when I’m intentional to carve out parts of my week to study language, by myself and with a tutor. Instead of lamenting over what isn’t, I need to be grateful for what is and get the most out of that as possible. Maybe for you, “if only” looks like a full-time job or toddlers at home. Perhaps a formal language school with personalized learning isn’t an option. But what resources do you have, even in small doses, that you can show up for and celebrate learning? Instead of the lie of I don’t have time for this, I’m going with I will give what I can to learn this. Now think of some lies you tell yourself when you are discouraged or frustrated. What can you do to speak truth to them?   ●     Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash.     BIO Izzy Ashton holds a masters’ degree in counseling, is rarely seen without a book or pen in her hand and enjoys learning how to help people thrive. She and her husband Michael are experienced entrepreneurs who develop businesses cross-culturally that will make a positive impact on their communities. From her home along the Mediterranean, she is striving to learn the balance of well-being and self-care in a rigorous business world. Talk to Izzy.  

Calmly tuning in to a co-worker’s perspective can help diffuse conflict.   Steffanie Lim-Ho | executive expat in Europe   Navigating relationships with difficult people can be a major source of stress in the workplace. It’s easy to focus on how someone’s behavior or attitude makes us feel. But I have found that trying to understand the other person’s perspective helps me extend empathy and be more Christ-like to my coworkers.   Resisting Bitterness Toward the Backbiter Earlier in my career when I held a leadership position in Asia, I became the target of jealousy from a peer. Her jealousy manifested in undermining me in my role. At first, I wondered if her verbal jabs were just part of her personality, or whether she was targeting me personally. As time went by, colleagues told me that she was saying damaging things behind my back, and they encouraged me to be on my guard. My first reaction was anger. I wanted to put her in her place and get back at her. I talked to my husband, though, and his feedback helped me take a step back. He asked me, “Why do you think she is so jealous and insecure? What sort of life experiences has she had to make her feel like she needs to put other people down to get ahead?” These questions helped me shift from a lens of anger to a lens of compassion. Even though this person continued her attacks toward me, my whole perspective changed. That helped me respond well and continue to execute my responsibilities with grace and professionalism.   Looking Beyond Surface Behavior Later in my career, I had a similar experience with the power of empathy. One of my direct reports was a believer, but nominal in how he approached his faith. In his annual performance review, I had to share some difficult feedback with him. I told him that he executed well on his tasks, but his poor attitude in stressful situations negatively impacted the rest of the team. When I gave this feedback, I sincerely sought to help my direct report. But he was resentful and defensive, making excuses for his behavior.     BONUS BOX "Having a Difficult Conversations with Someone from a Different Culture" from Harvard Business Review ”Transforming Troublesome Coworkers Behaviors” from the Institute for Faith, Work and Economics ”Conflict Resolution Strategies in Indonesia” from Living in Indonesia Again, it would have been easy to focus on how my direct report was making it challenging for me. But God helped me amid my frustration. I felt an internal nudge to shift the conversation to his spiritual life, which I never thought would be a topic I’d bring up during an annual performance review. “How are you doing spiritually?” I asked. Eyes weary, he looked at me and said, “Honestly, I am so empty inside, I cannot even feel my spirit.” That shifted the whole tone of the meeting. Because I had listened to God’s prompting and reached out in empathy, I was able to spend the rest of the meeting building up my direct report spiritually. I encouraged him to draw near to God through time in prayer and Scripture. If I had just focused on defending my point, I would never have had this opportunity to point him to the restoration that Jesus offers.   Embracing the Role of Peacemaker In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus talks about how the peacemakers and the merciful are blessed (Matthew 5:7-9). He tells us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. He reminds us of God’s kindness to undeserving sinners (Matthew 5:44-45). Those Scripture passages have been helpful reminders for me when I have been tempted to respond to negative behavior with equal force. You never know how God might use you when you listen to him and when you seek to extend empathy to the difficult people in your life.   ●   Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels.      BIO Steffanie Lim-Ho is an enthusiastic leader and motivated professional, dedicated to her faith and family. She’s been with Eli Lilly & Co. since 2008, and currently serves as regional CFO for Lilly Germany, Switzerland, and Austria. With a combined 20 years’ experience in corporate finance, audit, internal controls, and ethics/compliance, Steffanie is a world traveler known for leading change, modeling ethical values, driving accountability, and inspiring others.